All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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