Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
