just tell him i said nine months
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
