so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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