apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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