There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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