i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
