I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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