There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
