dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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