You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
