i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
