I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
