I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
