Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
