just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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