i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My friends, they love my intelligence
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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