Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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