Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
try to milk me bitch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
