You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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