Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
