TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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