UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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