a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
