I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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