My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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