I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
