After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
