he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
