he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
