He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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