I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
