Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
