Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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