remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
