The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
