Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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