And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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