i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
