I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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