Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
