Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
