4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
your room smells of hookers.
And success
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
