i think my tv is drunk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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