Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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