I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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