I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
