Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So vagazzling was a success
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
