Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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