So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
