I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
