i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
