Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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