That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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