just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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