Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
