Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
