That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
