i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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