I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
