What a fucking waste of an outfit
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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