Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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