my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God, I missed his penis.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
