She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
