whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
