u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
