did you get engaged???
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
