so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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