her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
