franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the raccoons are back...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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