i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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