I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
