Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
