he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need a beard to bite.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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